Of Hooker Boots and Leather Pants
by GlowingAshes
Summary: A parody of all the terrible plot elements that bother us all. Includes Draco in leather pants and a wellformed Hermione as well as many other mistakes and cliches found in horrid fanfics. Review if you like, flames are always welcome.
1. Of Boob Jobs and Animal Noises

Disclaimer: The characters all belongs to J.K. Rowling, the crappy story belongs to some writer, who shall remain nameless, that we decided to write a parody on. If you figure out which story this parody is based on, you can privately e-mail us about it, but please don't post on here.

A/N: Alright, there will be some odd things here. A lot of these are based on spelling mistakes found in many poorly written fanfics. We have taken them and used them to better our parody.

It was late August, and the Hogwarts students were all preparing to board the Hogwarts Express. Suddenly, a light shined down upon the newfound glorious radiance that was Hermione Granger. The male population all turned to stare at her and began simultaneously drooling and/or foaming at the mouth, which was accompanied by random animal noises.

Over the summer Hermione had somehow filled out in all the right places (**A/N**: which apparently means she has boobs and an ass but the author is too prudish to blatantly state such things). Hermione now sported an almost nonexistent mini-skirt with fishnets and thigh high hooker boots (**A/N**: She obviously borrowed these from her never-before-mentioned American cousin, who, coincidentally, gave her the entire makeover). Her low-cut shirt continued to draw attention from every male in the near vicinity.

Draco was the Slytherin Sex God, the Official Hogwarts Wearer of Leather Pants, and the owner of the best six-pack the earth has ever known. "Must...shag...Granger..." thought his lower anatomy. The previously unhappy female population was now slightly mollified, seeing as he had the leather pants on. Draco mentally kicked himself (**A/N**: authors wonders if he is kicking himself with his upper or lower anatomy) and reminded that he must not think such things about the Gryffindor bookworm.

Ginny and Harry spotted Hermione and ran up to her. They were closely followed by Ron and Lavender. Both couples had gotten together over the summer in a sickeningly fluffy fashion. Hermione squealed for joy, "like omg, I mist you guys so much!" (**A/N**: American cousin apparently taught her fluent netspeak).

Ginny, reaching an equally high pitch, shrieked, "OMG, like, I mist you more!" Harry, Ron, and Lavender discreetly disappear because Hermione is really only excited to see Ginny, who knows all her secretes and is her personnel diary (**A/N**: yes, those were actually found in actual fanfics heavy sigh)

Draco, who had been waiting for Crabbe and Goyle, wished he had "real" friends. He had only ever had one real friend, but his friend was a Muggle; Lucious killed him in front of Draco. However, due to the incompetent judicial system, Vodelmort was wrongfully accused and is now cowering in the woods.

The students eagerly boarded the Express, and file into their respectable compartments. Hermione entered the Head compartment, mentally noting Draco's "quivering member". "This was going to be an interesting year," she thought.

**A/N: **All spelling mistakes are intentional. Draco's "quivering member" is from the wonderful movie _10 Things I Hate About You._ Review if you like, flames are always welcome as well.


	2. Of Personal Needs and Major Hits

Disclaimer: The characters are J.K. Rowling's and the plot ideas and spelling mistakes belong to various fanfic authors.

Recap of chapter 1: Hermione has become gorgeous overnight, Draco wears leather pants with apparently no underwear, Ginny and Hermione are, like, best friends, and Hermione has just entered the Head compartment and taken notice of Draco's quivering member.

"Oh my GAWD! He is, like, sooooooo HAWTTT!" Hermione thought to herself upon entering the Head compartment. Hermione then came to her senses, realizing that she would be working with Draco for an entire year. "It must have something to do with that bong that's always on Dumbledore's desk," she rationalized (**A/N: **There is a brilliant author out there who portrays Dumbledore as smoking a 6 foot bong, but alas, we cannot remember her name. If you know who we're referring to, please let us know). "Oh, well," she thought, "It's not like we'll have to share a common room, a bathroom, a bedroom, and a bed or anything."

Just then, Dumbledore made a timely entrance. "Hello, Hermione, Draco," he said. "I've come to inform you that this year you will be sharing a common room, a bathroom, and bedroom. Also, despite the fact that Hogwarts is located directly next to a forest, there has been a shortage of wood. One of your beds mysteriously disappeared over the summer, and though I am the most powerful wizard in the world, I have always been terrible at making beds. Therefore, you will have to endure the inconvenience of sharing one. However, it will encourage house unity, so we thought you'd go for it." (**A/N: **This is the most logical explanation we've heard for it thus far).

Draco's upper body felt the need to protest, so he broke his silence. "Couldn't that be a little awkward, considering our need for personal space? I have needs, you know."

"Don't worry, Draco, I'm sure that all of your needs will be met to your satisfaction," said Dumbledore. (**A/N: **Dumbledore then takes a hit and pulls out some lemon drops). Dumbledore then stood up and left, leaving Hermione and Draco to ponder this new information.

Hermione and Draco spent the remainder of their trip bickering loudly while inwardly contemplating the state of affairs in which they found themselves.

**A/N: **Yes, it is a short chapter. No, I am not apologizing for it. It was short, they will get longer. This was just to get them to Hogwarts. Deal with it.


	3. Snape's Orgy House

Disclaimer: The usual, JKR owns it all, plot ideas taken from bad fanfic clichés.

A/N: Our pet peeve of the week is people who change tenses throughout the fic. This will be a feature of this chapter. Our apologies for any lost brain cells it may cause you.

Review of Chapter 2: Hermione and Draco have just been informed of the ahem unfortunate circumstances requiring them to share everything, right down to a bed.

The students all filed off the train after it pulled into the station. They then sat down to watch the sorting (**A/N**: apparently either A) none of them have read _Hogwarts, A History _so they Apparated, or B) the author can't be bothered to write such nonsense as them actually getting into a carriage and walking through a door).

The new and improved Hermione settled herself in, taking care to toss her silky smooth hair, as the sorting began. For the first time in her life, Hermione found herself not paying attention to the sorting. Instead, she was captivated by Snape's greasy locks dripping moisture into his cold and unfeeling eyes. She was suddenly brought back to attention by the hat's unique lyrics, sung to the popular Muggle song, YMCA.

_It's fun to stay at_

_Snape's orgy house!_

Hermione snickered while the authors of this story roll their eyes due to the fact that the sorting hat never has songs this ridiculous and Hermione should be appalled instead of snickering. Readers of the average fanfiction, however, are enthralled, wondering if this is perhaps subtle foreshadowing.

The hat finishes its song and the sorting process begins. Hermione, of course doesn't pay attention because she is too busy examining her fingernails. She finally looks up when there is only one left to be sorted. Much to the surprise of everyone in the hall (yet somehow, not the readers'), it is a new seventh year! Though it was not announced, all the students instinctually knew that it was Dumbledore's long lost great-niece (three times removed) who had just made a long and treacherous journey all the way from America. (**A/N: **readers pause to decide if this is even possible. Yeah, we don't think so either).

The male population in its entirety began their simultaneous drooling routine once again. Anine Josephine Geraldine Albusina Katerina Dumbledore (**A/N: **she's publishing a pronunciation guide as we type) trotted to the front and was immediately sorted into Slytherin.

Hermione and Snape are the only two not staring at the newcomer. They exchange a meaningful glance which Snape quickly turns away from. Hermione is now left to ponder her confused feelings. From across the room, Draco sees this exchange and suddenly realizes his true and everlasting love for the new Gryffindor Slut. Jealousy surges through him as he finds a newfound hatred for his former favorite teacher.

The feast wound down and came to a close. Students wandered off to their respective common rooms. Draco and Hermione, who had already been given directions to their common room, headed out last. Hermione glanced behind her just in time to catch a longing glance from Snape and a disgusted glare from her new roommate. She smiled, flipped her beautifully straight and perfect hair and walked through the doors.

"So, one bed?" Hermione inquired as they made their way to their room.

"Yep," Draco replied, thoroughly sounding as though he didn't care despite the fact that he has a newfound love for Hermione.

"Well, here we are. Dumbledore said something about making up a password," Hermione said (**A/N: **readers sit on edges of seats in anticipation as to what this password could possibly be. Readers also hope it will be slightly more clever than Gryfferin or Slythindor rocks).

"How about "if you screw any teacher I will be forced to whip out my wand"? (**A/N: **author attempts to throw in a clever innuendo which will be continuously used throughout the remainder of the chapter and most likely the entire story as well).

"I believe that's too long—"

"You're damn straight it's too long," Draco grinned smugly as readers groan and exit story.

"You're disgusting," Hermione replied.

"And you like it like that, Mudblood," he raised his voice. (**A/N: **Readers wish the author would sometimes give Draco a comeback like )

A horror-stricken Hermione turned towards the portrait in a huff.

"Password?" says the portrait of a scantily clad saloon girl sitting on a piano with a bottle of rum and a gun.

"Wait, we haven't chosen one yet," said Hermione in a perplexed manner.

"Yes, you just gave it to me," replied the bar girl in a drunken stupor.

"What is it then?" inquired Draco.

"Oh, you'll just have to remember it," slurred the girl as she struggled to keep her balance.

Hermione used her incredible memory power to recall their entire conversation and she repeated it line for line. Finally, she said "you're damn straight it's too long" and the portrait nodded and swung open.

Draco laughed heartily upon hearing their new password, whereas Hermione just stalked forward into the common room, being appalled in her mind but not showing it in any outward manner because she must remember not to be prudish anymore.

Author ignores gaudy description of common room with intermixed Gryffindor and Slytherin colors and instead focuses on Hermione stomping up the stairs in search of her trunk.

Hermione quickly charmed her pajamas on before Draco could make an entrance into their bedroom. Hermione was now wearing a revealing tank top and short boxers. She now resembled a combination of a Victoria's Secret model and the Saloon Girl.

Hermione then charmed a barrier in the middle of their twin bed (**A/N: **apparently they were _very _short on wood). She stood in front of the mirror, basking in her glory, when Draco entered.

Hermione noticed Draco's "wand" immediately. She attempted to recover and quickly snapped, "I've built a barrier in the middle of the bed."

"Bur there's hardly any room," Draco replied, moving towards the wall with his wand out.

"If you even think about touching my wall with your wand—"

Draco poked Hermione with his wand. "What are you gonna do about it, stupid?" he asked, while noticing her nicely rounded hooters.

"If you poke me with that thing one more time, I'll break it in half!" shrieked Hermione.

Draco, not able to think of a comeback, decided to distract her by undressing. He stripped off his leather pants to reveal his leather thong.

"It'll take more than that wand you keep pointing all over to make you attractive," Hermione spat.

Draco, looking insulted, hopped into bed and tore down the barrier with his wand. "Yeah, well my wand just broke your wall," he replied smugly.

Hermione rolled her eyes and attempted to control her hormones as she got into bed. She realized that she was in for a sleepless night.

**A/N: **Thanks to the reviewers, we are trying to incorporate all of your ideas into future chapters. Suggestions, reviews, and flames are always welcome.


	4. But wait, there's more!

Disclaimer: Most characters belong to J.K Rowling, the common Mary Sue is ours. Certain phrases came from the shows Family Guy and The Grimm Adventures of Billy and Mandy.

A/N: Thanks for all of your ideas, we are attempting to incorperate as many of them into the story as we can. Please continue to give us ideas and please do not be offended if we do not use an idea. Though an idea may be good, it may not fit into our story. Thanks.

What happened last chapter: Hermione and Draco explored their bedroom and exchanged a good amount of witty innuendo before they got into bed together.

**Chapter 4 **

Draco drifted of to dream land, a place which proved to be particularily horny fuckin' good to him that night. For no apparent reason and with no apparent consciousness of movement, Draco mounted Granger slowly. "Granger, why do I call her that anyway? From now on I will refer to her only as 'Mione. I'm sure she'll love it," Draco thought as he began to caress her meaty thighs.

"Heavens," he thought, "it appears that my wee wee has been stricken with rigor mortis!"

'Mione apprehensively spread her full thighs and let his sex enter her vaginal area. (A/N: Authors sigh at the thought of all the misguided preteen girls who think they understand the anatomy of the human male and in this way hope to seem experianced even though the general public realizes their ignorance). They slowly began to move in a rhythmic fashion which sped up as they went. Lustful waves of release spread through both of them. Hermione welcomed the feeling after the initial discomfort.

Draco, filled with organsmic pleasure, heard his alarm clock ring. "Shit!" he thought, "I don't want this to stop." He heard a shrill scream from beneath him. It hadn't been a dream after all!

Hermione sighed with initial relief as she realized it had all been a dream. "A very good dream," she thought, "but just a dream nonetheless." She then attempted to get out of bed but found herself captive beneath the muscular body of Draco Malfoy, the Sex God. She then screamed and tried to push him off of her but found she was "stuck". It hadn't been a dream after all!

"Look what you've done! My reputation is ruined!" she shrieked. Silently she added, "but god, was it good."

"Yeah, like I wanted to screw a Mudblood. That's always good for one's reputation," he retorted.

Hermione snorted and walked away in a huff to get ready for Potions.

Hermione was sure to be fashionably early to Potions so that she could reserve herself a front row seat. Much to her dismay, Malfoy entered the classroom 5 minutes later and chose a seat a row over from her. She rolled her eyes and looked up as Snape decided to grace them with his presence.

Somehow, Hermione had never noticed how enticing his hooked nose was. Or how his greasy, unwashed hair was really quite sexy. His robes were just tight enough to see his finely toned muscles, yet they were still loose enough to billow out behind him in that inviting way.

"Oh, my," she thought as he sent a meaningful glance her way. "Be still my fluttering heart," she commanded herself before dissolving into waves of fantasy.

Malfoy, observing this transaction, glared at Snape and then looked longingly at 'Mione. "If you were only mine," he thought, sighing.

Hermione suddenly realized her burning desire to spend time with Snape. She smirked a smug grin and raised her hand.

"Yes, Miss Granger?" Snape inquired.

"I was only curious as to the magical properties of the number 69." The class snickered. She winked at him. "Oh, that was good," she thought, "Most certainly worth a detention."

"Miss Granger, how indescribably inappropriate. That will be 69 (A/N: readers roll eyes due to ironic point value; how undexpected) points from Gryffindor and a 3 hour detention tonight."

Hermione, pretending to be aggravated, shrugged and placed her Potions book on her desk.

Snape paced as he sorted the students into pairs to work on their potion (A/N: authors encourage readers to insert their own potion, due to the fact that it is far to late to think of a creative one by themselves). "Granger and Malfoy, Creevey and Weasley, Chang and Potter..." he trailed off.

The students split off and scurried off to their respective cauldrons and began working. Hermione and Draco began their potion faster than the other ignorant twits of which the class consisted, ergo they finished before everyone else. Snape was making his rounds and quietly and subtly slipped Hermione a note which read:

Hermione, thank you so much for your clever question. I do hope that you will be willing to let me show you the "magic". See you for detention. Meet me in my private office. Snape

Rage suddenly boiled inside Draco, eveloping all of his other senses. He saw the look of delight on Hermione's face, and he just had to know what that note said. He quickly volunteered to go back to get more ingredients and quickly snatched the note from Hermione's bag.

Upon reading the message, Draco, seething with rage, began developing a plan. He didn't know what his excuse would be, but he was going to find some way to disrupt that detention.

Hermione wore her shortest skirt and her tightest blouse beneath her robes when she left for her detention that night. She nervously twirled her perfect hair as she approached Snape's office and tentatively knocked.

"Come in," said Snape seductively as the door swung open. Hermione's breath caught in her throat. Snape looked very sexy, in a creepy vampire sort of way. His lips were extra red, as though he had been drinking blood, or perhaps cherry juice. "But no," thought Hermione, "there's a glass of red wine."

"So what will you be having me do for you tonight, Professor?" asked Hermione as she undid her robe and tossed it casually on the ground. She was sure to stick out her chest, as she had on her new push-up bra to complement her recently acquired implants, which were so big they could qualify as dependents.

"Well, Miss Granger, I wouldn't want to leave your previous question unanswered," he replied, attempting to shove out his six-pack because he had no muscle whatsoever on the rest of his body (despite the fact that it's already been stated that he has other muscle, the authors decided they like Draco much better and Snape's muscle has been transferred to the preferred character).

Hermione was just beginning to get her hopes up when an obviously intoxicated Draco burst unceremoniously into the room screaming, "Step away from the idiot and his giant pet turtle!"

"That's funny," Hermione thought to herself, "I never knew he was an alcoholic. It must be because his father beats him all the time," she rationalized with a shrug.

Snape turned, startled. "Damn," he said internally, "I just got the little guy to come out of his shell." However, he thought it would sound better if out loud he said, "She's mine! Remove yourself, or else I shall be forced to challenge you to a duel. Take out your wand!" he cried.

"Well," Hermione thought to herself, "the Hat did foreshadow something about Snape's orgy house, didn't it?"

"Watch out!" Hermione called to Snape as Draco stumbled into the room, "Beware the weiner-wielding maniac!"

"A duel of the wands, eh?" slurred Draco as he approached Snape, "I can work with that." Hermione and Snape looked on in awe as Draco suddenly adopted a German accent, unzipped his trousers and commanded, "Get out zhere!"

"Get out, Zea? Who's Zea? He must have meant Satan. Yes, that's it, its name must be Satan," Hermione thought to herself before turning to see the results of Draco's command.

Snape, whose turtle -- ahem, wand --- had been out and ready for several minutes now, sagged and relaxed in a lifeless and limp manner next to Draco's engorged bratwurst which was now standing at attention.

"Go back to the Head Room (A/N: authors giggle), I'll deal with you when I get back!" said Hermione who was cross because she realized that she was stuck with the limp noodle rather than the fearsome dagger. "Well, for now, anyway," she thought eagerly.

"YAY! Mine's better!" shouted Draco triumphantly. "I win!" he stuttered as he fell out of the room.

After Draco left, Hermione turned to see Snape, dejectedly wiggling his now withdrawn turtle while swearing at a box of Viagra.

Hermione cautiously approached. Seeing no prospect of getting anything hopeful in this office tonight, she decided to find a way out so that she could rush to be with the drunken Draco. "It's ok," she said, patting her professor on the back as she gathered her things.

"But, wait, there's more! I mean, there's more in the box. Maybe I just need another one or two and then--" but Hermione cut him off, spouting some BS that your turtle can overload and explode if you take too many. It was then that Snape broke down and wept while Hermione quietly slipped out the door.

A/N: We had a LOT of fun writing this one smirk. Hope you enjoyed it. Questions, comments, suggestios, flames, and review in general are all welcome. Our next chapter really has nothing to do with our story, but we thought you guys would like it. It's our Japanese friend's blog, complete with a fat American and broken English. We really do love him, it was just so funny (and rather accurate too). Read it if you want, but know that it has nothing to do with the story in any way. Reviews and flames for the blog will basically be ignored, so save yourself the time and just laugh without commenting.


	5. I hate FAT AMERICAN!

A/N: Ok, for those of you who missed it, this is not a real chapter, it is our friend's blog. He is Japanese and therefore his grammar is not the best. We are not being racist or making fun of him at all, we love him. It's just really funny, so enjoy! Also, we're sorry we haven't been updating lately. We're both in track now and we have homework and everything, but not to worry, you can expect another chapter shortly.

I hate FAT AMERICAN!

at one of the Camp I was in, we were playing a American Football, well, you know, I am really quick, I can be really amazing on this kind of sports.

Anyway, I was going for a ball, I saw a fat kid front of me. I mean, He WAS A FAT, his character is FAT, nothing else!If I visit him in his house, probably I will end up to find him with tans of pops and chicps with TV. He also had a mullet, yeah, right, MULLET IN FAT KID! probably he just didn't go to anywhere because he was too busy to watch TV or playing TV game all day long. Anyway, it was that FAT KID.

I judged in my head really quick, "HE CAN'T MOVE QUICK ENOUGH TO GET ME" so I went for the ball with my MAXIMAM SPEED, yeah, I am talking about the speed that can run 100 for 11 secound flat!So the guy with ball were screwed

then that guy saied to fat kid "protect me!" the FAT KID turned and gave him the "Impossible" face, yeah, he didn't look can play any kind of sport. then the guy with the ball PUSHED HIM FORWARD like a CANON!A FAT BULLET came stright to me, I was shocked, my brain stop working for secound, recalculating the law of physical world, IMPOSSIBLE!

BANG!

I crushed in to his FAT, even I was going 100 times faster than him, his momentam was much greater than me, I fliped backway and almost made backflip,but I didn't land right. I tried to get up, then I saw a shadow that glowing bigger and bigger, I looked up. Sky was COVERD BY FAT!I mean, The FAT GUY did FALL and I saw him in air about 3 feet high who is about to FALL DOWN on me

BANG!

My face was forced to screw in to ground

so as other parts of body

My team mate brought me out from the field, since I couldn't move

I HATE FAT AMERICAN!


	6. Whores of Hogwarts

**A/N:** Yeah, so a few months ago when we said we'd write again soon….we didn't. Whoops. Sorry. For those who missed it, that last chapter was just a random insert; it wasn't really a chapter. Please, oh ye simpletons be not confused.

**Recap of Chapter 4:** Draco and Hermione accidentally ruin each others' reputations in a scandalous fashion. Hermione exchanges witty repartee with Snape, earning her detention. Snape's turtle makes a short lived appearance with the help of Viagra; however Draco's fearsome Satan forces it back into its shell. Hermione is severerously (A/N: authors laugh at what they consider to be funny at 3:30 am) disappointed.

**Chapter 5**

Hermione breathed a sigh of relief after shutting the door leading back into Snape's office, only to find Draco vomiting in the corner, merely feet away. She was fairly disappointed, seeing as she had gotten her hopes up for an exciting night, only to have them dashed against an unforgiving box of Viagra (**A/N:** authors wonder what exactly that implies, but continue on with the story anyway).

She then approached him from behind. _"Just the way he likes it,"_ she thought to herself while smirking broadly.

Draco turned, wiping the vomit from his mouth. "I think I'm going to be sick," he slurred, as Captain Obvious rushed in to stand there and point out the blatantly unnecessary remark which always appears in bad fanfics.

Hermione rushed to his side. Readers prepare to be sick themselves, as Hermione put his arm around her shoulder and leads him off to their Common Room to nurse him back to health and encourage house unity. (**A/N: **Wink wink, nudge nudge, gack gack).

The Head Girl and Boy finally staggered into the Common Room together. She dropped him unceremoniously on the couch, dragging her down to lay on top of him. She still held out the faint hope that Satan might be awake, but alas, her hopes were dashed again. Draco had promptly passed out. Hermione turns angrily to throw Viagra at authors, then storms off to bed.

The next morning, Hermione pondered her Muggle Studies assignment while showering. She had to conduct a survey that would give her the ratio to something. _"Something,"_ she thought, _"but it has to be good…"._ Her thoughts trailed off as the door she had conveniently forgotten to lock banged open and Draco Malfoy barged in.

The formerly scrupulous Head Girl would have kicked him out immediately if he hadn't been buck naked. It was for this reason that she decided to get into a petty argument that went absolutely nowhere, just to look at his pecker. The petty argument (which authors didn't care to actually make up) proved useful after all, for during this time she thought of a ratio on which to conduct her survey.

"_Do you think,"_ she pondered, _"there's a correlation between a man's penis size and his shoe size?" _It was in that moment that a brilliant scientific study was born.

Meanwhile, Harry and Ron were gay. Yes, we know it's very sudden. Believe us, they were surprised too. The authors find no need to subtly introduce this subject, since it should not be controversial and is accepted everywhere these days (**A/N:** insert obvious sarcasm in reference the previous sentence here). Maybe we'll even throw in a little M-preg, just to be fair. Insert evil _mwahahaha_ here.

Hermione and Ginny walked into the great hall just as Harry mounted Ron (**A/N:** scratch that. Ron gets to be the mounter rather than the mountee simply because we like him more so we'll make Harry the chick instead).

Ginny, rather than being repulsed, is mildly turned on and tries to jump on Hermione due to a wild fantasy she just had involving her tied naked to a ceiling (**A/N**: authors laugh about a snide comment referring to yet another crappy fanfic). After their hardcore sex, they decide they're not right for each other, and Hermione explains the survey to Ginny. Together, they embark upon a quest that may result in the new nickname of _Whores of Hogwarts_. However, it's worth it, and they know it. Plus the title is like a bonus.

Ron and Harry broke apart, gasping for breath, and began to eat their breakfast of gay champions so that they'd have energy for more sexual conquests later.

"Ronald, darling," Harry crooned to his lover, "you don't look quite queer enough. Fix that, please." So Ron obligingly crossed his legs in a thoroughly non-straight and rather crooked fashion.

Luckily for him, Ginny saw this. "My dear brother, if you have any desire to M-pregnate Harry you'd better uncross those legs. It results in fugly mutant children, and Lord knows they're already not going to be attractive," she promptly informed him.

"As lovely as that is," Hermione interrupted, "Ginny and I should really venture further into the world of hot guys' penises." They then bounded off in search of men.

**A/N: **Authors highly encourage all readers to review and let us know your own survey results so that we don't have to do all the work ourselves.

By the way, flame us if you want, but we're not homophobes and you know it's funny.


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